maaf,ma

I believe that the only one who regrets my decision about this future is my mom.
I can see it though her eyes, everytime she talks to me bout this..
she has changed, the regrets did.
I am sorry..I have done my best not to show you what I am feeling. I am cracking too
And the one who broke everything, never ever apologize to me..in person.

eyes that you don't have

"Ndut,jangan tinggalin aku sendirian disini. Aku wes sok tahan disini, kalo ga ada kamu piye"
"kamu rela gitu aku ga bahagia?"
"yo gak se..." and she's about to cry.

pagi ini

I always have breakfast with mom, we keep talking the same thing since 29th July 2012. And today was the most painful...

"Tadi malem mama mimpi, mama gapapa kalo kamu taun depan mau nyoba lagi. Tapi internasional yang FE, kan biayanya ga sebesar FK. Terus kamu mau,"

and you know what
Intan and I have talked this topic for days.
you got me,mom

sisa sisa perjuangan

dakota ku sembuh which means all those shits tentang UI masih tersimpan rapi.
Betapa bangganya aku  pernah memperjuangkan hal tersebut dengan sebegitu keras
and now what?

"I am not supposed to be here and what the hell I am doing here"

itu aku, sekarang.

need to be heard

istilahnya, sekarang itu aku lagi pincang...satu kakiku lagi ga sama aku
belum bisa dipake seutuhnya.
Gampangnya, i'm so sensitive recently. I've cried many times this month.
I am trying to change my prespective but it didnt really help
Skip those shits.


hanya sedang butuh telinga, tempat buat bersandar

I'm such a good pretender...well these days.

what my dad said

in the middle of afternoon while I was away...

"Coba litha kemaren jadi, ga usah beli mobil, ga usah cuci mobil hahahah"mom-well she said jokingly

"Jalannya ga gitu..."dad.


I couldnt agree more with you,dad.

The price is so damn expensive

Banyak orang kok yang juga ada diposisiku
tapi aku belum nemu aja, pengen gitu cerita misalnya ketemu
gimana deal dengan 'harga' yang aku bahkan ga pernah nyangka...akan semahal itu
Definisi mahal..
....pengorbanan mu sampai di titik itu...banyak
nangis mu yang berkali-kali itu berasa ga kehitung sama sekali hahaha
Fuuu~ lenyap tak bersisa.

Sulit. Itu aku sekarang, bahkan sampai detik aku nulis ini.
Mungkin ga cuman aku tapi mama papa eyang ..
Well, ppl around me who know whats really going on now
Shit happens, ah not shits but unexpected miracle.

Siapa yang nyangka setelah perjuanganmu BERBULAN-BULAN
recover dari DUA KALI kegagalan...namamu akhirnya disitu
menembus..hmm..universitas yang kamu puja, yang namanya kamu tempelkan disetiap spot yang noticeable, even di my birthday board. I always smile everytime I read that wish, It was my wish though.

Sebuah nazar sudah kuucapkan....
Lari 1x di bunderan HI huahahaha
then i realized it was BIG..but I was still excited. "Itu ga sebanding dengan pejuanganmu bos! Ga sebanding sama sekali"
 yes, It was.

Bukan, bukan berarti aku ga bersyukur dengan apa yang aku dapat sekarang
FK UNAIR 2012 SNMPTN TULIS
All praise surely due to Allah SWT....my hardworks are finally PAID-OFF
...............but the hardest timing was couple days later.

Yes, and again..my name was written there on July 29th
"Selamat anda diterima sebagai mahasiswa baru di Universitas Indonesia"
And the happiness suddenly come up ! My mission is completed!!
I PASSED!! those things going around my head that time.. I even cried in joy hehehe
Subhnallah....Allah did something, he did........

The price was appearing...
I and my parents trapped in a serious fight. I kept saying no while they tried their best to persuade me
And I asked them the final decision which is yes or no. They gave NOTHING.
All those beautiful and bad things flashing in my mind......and I dont regret that I said no instead of yes cause I know, deep inside they said no either.
Does it hurt? Surely yes.
 The hardest part is ppl around me keep asking the reason. Hell-o, should I hold such a press-conf to tell the world the REAL EFFIN REASONS ? Oh guys, get a life.

Perasaanku sekarang ?
I am so grateful yet hmm a bit.....sad
I dont know which part but time just flies too fast

so,
apapun warna jaket almamater kalian toh nanti tetap jas putih seorang dokter- favourited tweet by @MahasiswaFK.

True, nothing can stop me now
Those times are the best teacher for me
......it much harder to get what you want but it doesnt good enough in the end.



Good luck, yellow jacket-ers !!
And I will wear my blue jacket with PRIDE too :-)

ya Allah, this is your best way isnt it :)
Bless me...bless me...



The price of letting go ur dreams is not cheap at all. You will have no idea about the price, guys :-)
Keep what you have now, be grateful !! :))